In our last issue we wrote a brief for our friends the Leprechauns, regarding the upcoming season and asking that everyone pay them heed as they go about their business. It seems that no one was listening.
There have been reports of poachers hiding in the thicket and roadside knuckleberry groves, waiting for a little one to pass. These poachers were waiting to steal the bounty prior to being set. This must stop. It will not work.
Hal Shoemanburkinfoot, shop foreman for local 32456784, has issued a proclamation in answer to the poachers. If his personnel are not left alone to do their work, they will pick up their bounty and go into hiding, just like they did in the late 70's. As we all know we did not see the end of a rainbow for another eight years.
So just leave them be and I promise it will be shiny at the end of those rainbows we are all chasing!
Saturday, November 6, 2010
The Sports Report
The match-up last night between the North Towne TPer's and The Southy Flier was another epic battle. Both teams threw everything they had into the match. And as the match sadly wound down North Towne was able to lob the victory their way.
Len Longbottomstandstill got things started with a classic floater over the top of the Applewood's maple, creating a perfect lantering over the tree and North Towne took an early 100 point lead. But the Southy's were not to be denied.
Dave Daddy-O-Park quickly answered back with a classic double-double, draping the Jonesysmith's spruce perfectly top to bottom, with the hem inches from the ground. After round one North Towne held a slim lead, 1156 to the Southy's 1016.
Round two continued to be close with each team hucking rolls to near perfect results. To stand back and watch was to see a match that resembled a confetti explosion on a grand scale. There was lantering and floaters that surfed the night air and drapering like pure silk. After two rounds the Southy's narrowed the gap, 3127 three back of North Towne's 3130.
It was in round three that things changed dramatically. North Towne laid the paper down thick and ran away with the results.
Ben Longbottmstandstill executed a perfect bridge, crossing the street only on the tree tops at the same time that Southy's rookie Lee Bee threw two bouncers. At that point the patrol cars rounded the corner and everyone scrambled over the fences and through alleyways. Fortunately no one was caught.
Next week North Towne will defend its title Toilet Paper title against the West Drapers.
Len Longbottomstandstill got things started with a classic floater over the top of the Applewood's maple, creating a perfect lantering over the tree and North Towne took an early 100 point lead. But the Southy's were not to be denied.
Dave Daddy-O-Park quickly answered back with a classic double-double, draping the Jonesysmith's spruce perfectly top to bottom, with the hem inches from the ground. After round one North Towne held a slim lead, 1156 to the Southy's 1016.
Round two continued to be close with each team hucking rolls to near perfect results. To stand back and watch was to see a match that resembled a confetti explosion on a grand scale. There was lantering and floaters that surfed the night air and drapering like pure silk. After two rounds the Southy's narrowed the gap, 3127 three back of North Towne's 3130.
It was in round three that things changed dramatically. North Towne laid the paper down thick and ran away with the results.
Ben Longbottmstandstill executed a perfect bridge, crossing the street only on the tree tops at the same time that Southy's rookie Lee Bee threw two bouncers. At that point the patrol cars rounded the corner and everyone scrambled over the fences and through alleyways. Fortunately no one was caught.
Next week North Towne will defend its title Toilet Paper title against the West Drapers.
An Interview
Me: Thank you for rolling in to talk with us.
Fog: My dear boy, something of my stature does not simply 'roll in". I appear grandly and full of grace.
Me: And what causes you to appear?
Fog: My sure will and strength of character. I know you humans think it has something to do with temperature and water. I say HA!
Me: How long have you been around?
Fog: I arrived early this morning with dignified eloquence. In the pre-dawn of morning. I, of course, appear for all to enjoy.
Me: You sound very confident. Is there anything that you are afraid of?
Fog: HA! There is nothing. As I lay upon this earth, I rejoice as those around me recoil.
Me: What about the sun?
Fog: Do not speak of that evil sphere! That infernal beast should be turned out! I shall personally extinguish him!
Fog: My dear boy, something of my stature does not simply 'roll in". I appear grandly and full of grace.
Me: And what causes you to appear?
Fog: My sure will and strength of character. I know you humans think it has something to do with temperature and water. I say HA!
Me: How long have you been around?
Fog: I arrived early this morning with dignified eloquence. In the pre-dawn of morning. I, of course, appear for all to enjoy.
Me: You sound very confident. Is there anything that you are afraid of?
Fog: HA! There is nothing. As I lay upon this earth, I rejoice as those around me recoil.
Me: What about the sun?
Fog: Do not speak of that evil sphere! That infernal beast should be turned out! I shall personally extinguish him!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
An Interview
Me: "So you are a pen?"
Pen: "Boy, you're quick."
Me: "Can you describe what type of pen you are?"
Pen: "I am a plastic non-refillable black ink with cap ball point."
Me: "It must be exciting to be involved with all those thoughts that are written down?"
Pen: "No. You mostly use me for grocery lists or cross word puzzles you cheat at. Have you had a date recently? I don't remember writing down any phone numbers. This is sad. It is Friday night and you are talking to me, a pen."
Me: "How do you spend most of your time?"
Pen: "To hear you tell it, I am always lost. I hear it every day. Where is that pen? Hold on while I try to find a pen? Ridiculous."
Me: "Thank you for your time."
Pen: "Try to remember where you put me. By the way I think the phone is going to ring. Just kidding."
Pen: "Boy, you're quick."
Me: "Can you describe what type of pen you are?"
Pen: "I am a plastic non-refillable black ink with cap ball point."
Me: "It must be exciting to be involved with all those thoughts that are written down?"
Pen: "No. You mostly use me for grocery lists or cross word puzzles you cheat at. Have you had a date recently? I don't remember writing down any phone numbers. This is sad. It is Friday night and you are talking to me, a pen."
Me: "How do you spend most of your time?"
Pen: "To hear you tell it, I am always lost. I hear it every day. Where is that pen? Hold on while I try to find a pen? Ridiculous."
Me: "Thank you for your time."
Pen: "Try to remember where you put me. By the way I think the phone is going to ring. Just kidding."
The Sports Report
Today in sports not much happened. Well there was that incident with the moose on the ice, but that was cleared quickly and no charges were filed against the moose.
The Hoffenberrystefan family's annual golf tournament got under way today. As we have followed this event it has always run smoothly, with a large turn-out and very few if any problems. This year was a little different.
First Hal the #2 son gave everyone the wrong directions to the course. Fortunately there are only three roads and two course in Strawville. After this slight detour was corrected the tournament got under-way. The patriarch of the family, Joe, was first to tee off. Right in the middle of his backswing, his former #1 son Hank rushes from his cart and tackles the old fella. As Joe lays on the tee-box wondering what the heck happened, a gopher pops-up form his hole and sucker punches Joe right in the kisser.
Needless to say on the way home Hal rode in the back of the truck while Hank attempted to get a ride home to no avail. As to the gopher, the witnesses are not talking.
The Hoffenberrystefan family's annual golf tournament got under way today. As we have followed this event it has always run smoothly, with a large turn-out and very few if any problems. This year was a little different.
First Hal the #2 son gave everyone the wrong directions to the course. Fortunately there are only three roads and two course in Strawville. After this slight detour was corrected the tournament got under-way. The patriarch of the family, Joe, was first to tee off. Right in the middle of his backswing, his former #1 son Hank rushes from his cart and tackles the old fella. As Joe lays on the tee-box wondering what the heck happened, a gopher pops-up form his hole and sucker punches Joe right in the kisser.
Needless to say on the way home Hal rode in the back of the truck while Hank attempted to get a ride home to no avail. As to the gopher, the witnesses are not talking.
A Publice Service Announcement
As the leaves start to change color from summer to fall, I would like to remind everyone to be on the lookout for the leprechauns who will be out placing their bounty. With the start of the rainbow season, it is very important to give them space and whatever you do, DO NOT FOLLOW THEM!
We do not want the 2001 incident to rear its ugly face once more. As you may remember Bob Katzenberryomalley was trampled by those big-footed poachers. And we all know what happened to the cache that year. Thinking back the worst part, aside from Bob having to spend six months in the hollow of a pickle tree recovering, was those poachers couldn't find the end of a rainbow if it lapped them up the backside. Shame.
If you are lucky enough to happen upon one of our dear friends leaning against a hub-cap, please do not disturb them. He is probably just defusing from last nights Knuckleberry beer bash. And if you are wondering, no he is not sleeping it off. Who has ever heard of leprechauns sleeping this time of year?
If you are fortunate enough to happen up this pot of gold, pull your face into the sun, breath the fresh sent of autumn and leave a few coins behind. Our little green friends will be happy to know their work has paid off.
We do not want the 2001 incident to rear its ugly face once more. As you may remember Bob Katzenberryomalley was trampled by those big-footed poachers. And we all know what happened to the cache that year. Thinking back the worst part, aside from Bob having to spend six months in the hollow of a pickle tree recovering, was those poachers couldn't find the end of a rainbow if it lapped them up the backside. Shame.
If you are lucky enough to happen upon one of our dear friends leaning against a hub-cap, please do not disturb them. He is probably just defusing from last nights Knuckleberry beer bash. And if you are wondering, no he is not sleeping it off. Who has ever heard of leprechauns sleeping this time of year?
If you are fortunate enough to happen up this pot of gold, pull your face into the sun, breath the fresh sent of autumn and leave a few coins behind. Our little green friends will be happy to know their work has paid off.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)